No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
