Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
