the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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