I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
