omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
