ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
