dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cannot find my penis.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
