i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize