dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
