I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
