Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think my vagina is haunted
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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