Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
