you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
