I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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