I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
