You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
