At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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