Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
