I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
