HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
