Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
