I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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