Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
