He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
