how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
