I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
