Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
