you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
