Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
