in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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