after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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