Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
