a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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