When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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