Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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