I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have post one night stand depression
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