if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
