I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
