I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
