great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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