They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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