i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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