I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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