My room smells like vodka and shame
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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