Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
