Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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