I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
