I just pynch a tree in the face
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
