I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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