I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When are your genitals available?
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