You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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