i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
