just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
