evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
