Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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