You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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