I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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