I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
