Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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