She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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