the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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