lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i have two assholes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
