I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
