you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
