Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
