If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
