I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
