You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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