question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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