sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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