so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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