Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
