Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
