my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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