I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
