There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
