oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am full of burrito and curiosity
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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