Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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